


To Say Nothing

by bluejoseph



Series: CANYOUSAVE [4]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Fluff, Happy, M/M, barely joshler tbh, but this is a good 1!! promise, completely nonsexual tho, i dont know what this is but it is nice, only rated teen because they shower together, this whole series is just me projecting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-05-14 14:23:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19275121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluejoseph/pseuds/bluejoseph
Summary: This is all he really needs, in this moment--to be here, humming and rocking back and forth and listen to this beautiful song play over and over again.





	To Say Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> decided that tyler deserves a happy story after all the shit I put him through in the last three

The sun is up. The sun is up, and it is six in the morning. 

No nightmares. 

Dreams, yes. Tyler’s mind is never without dreams. While he is awake, they control his actions, take the form of hopes and desires. While he is asleep, they slither forward from the back of his brain, to make him think and use the tiny shreds of energy available.

Tyler had dreams, but they were okay. Nothing lasting, nothing harmful. 

It’s good, but he’ll have to be careful if he wants to foster it. A day can start well but quickly spiral. He’ll have to take charge now.

Josh is still asleep, worn from the night shift. Tyler slips out of bed carefully, stepping around Jim, who is laying on the floor with his head resting on his paws. He gets what he needs--a clean outfit, his phone, his speaker. Bare feet pad softly into the kitchen as he gets a glass of water to drink, before going in.

He wasn’t always able to do this. There was a time when he would have been afraid to get out of bed, much less gather together a few precious items, even if they were his. Sometimes, Tyler is still afraid in this way, but a little reassurance, a little love, a little giving from Josh; this settles him. 

Not a day goes by that he isn’t grateful. 

Tyler sets the glass in the sink and carries his items onto the bathroom, setting them on the counter before gently shutting the door. He hurries a little, now, excited; connecting his phone with his speaker and positioning it properly, setting his towel where he can reach it. He starts up the shower, then, and discards his clothes on the floor before swiftly setting the song on his phone to repeat. 

The first notes of the song are soft as he steps into the shower--they, themselves, mimic a light rainstorm, or a running stream--before the sound grows, morphs into something else, begins to wake up. And as the music begins, some part of Tyler wakes up with it, a joyful part of his brain that only comes out in precious moments such as these.

The usual scattered, anxious thoughts beginning to take hold in his brain melt away, left awed at the progressing rhythm. He knows this must be odd to anyone else, but to Tyler, these are the moments when his body really does function properly. His heart lifts, his eyes soften, he begins to rock back and forth in an expression of simple joy. 

His brain releases the happy chemicals, to put it simply. Serotonin makes all the heavy parts of him light. All is well. 

He wants to rock back and forth forever, but he has to stop to wash his face because he has a terrible sense of balance, and he’s afraid he might fall if he doesn’t hold onto something. The moment the soap is clear from his eyes, he grasps the bar again, the one where Josh hangs his washcloth, and he rocks again. 

At certain parts of the song, Tyler taps his hands on his legs, or on the shower wall, like a morse code only he understands. When the music goes deep, bass guitar and low notes, he hums in the back of his throat to the sounds. 

This is all he really needs, in this moment--to be here, humming and rocking back and forth and listen to this beautiful song play over and over again.

The sound of the bathroom door clicking open startles him, brings back a frightened piece of himself that he knows too well. Peeking his head out from the shower curtain, however, reveals only Josh, smiling at him and rubbing sleepily at one eye. “‘Morning.”

Tyler leans back into the shower again, hums his reply.

“Can I come in?” 

He hesitates, not wanting to speak. He opens the curtain as an answer.

After a few seconds, he’s able to grasp onto the song again, and begins to rock gently. Josh steps into the shower, turning down the temperature of the water slightly--Tyler always has it scalding hot.

There is no need to guess at what he’s thinking. Josh knows that these moments, whatever they are, are sacred to Tyler, a natural joy. He wouldn’t dare disturb them. Tyler is grateful.

“Want me to wash your hair?” he offers. Tyler nods. 

It all adds up. The smell of Josh’s shampoo, the fingers gently scratching at Tyler’s scalp, the warm water, and of course, the music. 

Tyler is euphoric. The gate has been unlocked, and the aspen forest is open to him, beckoning with slender branches and golden leaves. Tyler plunges onward.

**Author's Note:**

> this is rather off topic but how would you guys feel about me writing for something not twenty one pilots? (weird ik). I kind of had an idea for a longer/chaptered phan fic but I'm not sure yet


End file.
